


Sun Seekers

by Vioxxin



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, ghoul!Hide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-04-10 18:49:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4403162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vioxxin/pseuds/Vioxxin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hello, nice to meet you! My name is Nagachika Hideyoshi, but you can call me Hide. What's yours?"</p>
<p>(AU where Hide and Kaneki never met when they were kids and Ghoul!Hide takes Kaneki in after his accident with Rize)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When he is eight years old, Hide is asked to join in a play. He comes on to the stage dressed in bright shades of gold and lights up the auditorium with his smile and the costume alone. The 'hero', a grim-faced classmate who is surprisingly good at delivering his lines, matches him word for word and highlights the warmth of the character he is tasked to play.

His mother is stopped by the teacher on their way out of the auditorium.

"He's a very bright child," she says, and his mother is quick to agree with a nod of her head and a prideful smile, "I've never seen a child grow so close to his classmates as fast as Hideyoshi-kun did. You should be proud of him."

"I am," his mother replies. She eagerly sweeps him into her arms and drops a kiss onto his head as he beams back happily at her loving face. His teacher is clearly warmed by the display and they're both aware of it.

After all, if anyone ever asked, Hide would say that he got all his acting skills from his mother.

"I'm so, so proud of him."

 

* * *

 

When he is eight, Hide's hair is still brown. He's not too young to entertain thoughts of dyeing it, of knowing it's even a possibility, but he has never found a reason to want it. It's too much trouble and money wasted on a venture his father tells him he'll just likely regret.

"You know your father's only saying that because he did it too," his mother says. Hide runs a hand through her hair, brown like the soil that nurtures the plants, and marvels as the light makes it shimmer. She giggles and curls his hand around hers, adjusts her hold on him until he is comfortably tucked against her side, "He worked too hard, too young and earned himself a nice white crown in his mid-twenties. Tried to dye it back to black but it always kept popping back out."

There's a sense of wistfulness in her eyes he will only catch when he's older, but eight year old Hide still reaches up to pat her cheek and rub their noses together.

"But you still love him, right?" he asks, wholly sure she will say yes.

She smiles at him, "Of course! You know, Hikkun, people are a lot like flowers. They all grow different, need different things to survive, but they are all beautiful."

"Mm," Hide looks doubtfully around the flower shop- at the drooping petals of an iris and the sad dark color of the blue violets. His mother sees him and laughs.

"Oh, Hikkun. I didn't mean it like that. Flowers are more than just a pretty face. They all have their own meaning, just like us. Here," She walks outside of the shop where the other flowers are displayed. She strokes the petals of a tall, thick flower with a golden crown, so bright that it remains in the back of his eyes, "These are called sunflowers. In the flower world, sunflowers are the happiest flowers. No matter where they grow, they will always find the sun. And in turn, they bring its warmth and radiance as a gift to others."

"Like you?" Hide asks with all the innocent love of a child. His mother looks at him in surprise and embarrassment, as if she couldn't believe her own son could make her flush so deep. Hide looks at her warily when she snaps out of it and throws her head back and laughs.

"If only your father was as smooth as you," she teases. Humming, she drops a kiss on his head and nuzzles him close.

"But if you must know, I think it's more like you, don't you agree?"

Outside of the shop, the sun shone brightly. It casts a beautiful light on her smile and Hide thinks that he would like to be a sunflower, so he could follow her light forever.

 

* * *

 

When Hide is ten, he loses his sun.

The sound of gunfire rings in his ears and pounds against the sides of his head as his mother runs. She clutches him tight as rain falls from the sky and drenches their clothes. He is silent in her arms but he tries not to cry, even when drops too hot to be rain fall on the back of his neck.

He guesses that their acting was not good enough for the CCG.

They turn corner after corner, dashing through alleys in the dead of night with single-minded desperation to flee and survive. His father stayed behind, as stoic and calm as ever even in the face of looming death. He tells them to run with a steady voice, ("I promise I'll catch up to you") so they do. They run with heavy hearts across the flaming wreckage that was once their home and into the streets past the rest of the soldiers.

Though not an ukaku, his mother is just as fast, and they avoid the other soldiers easily. Hide is almost led to believe that they'd done it, they'd really escaped, until they dart into another alley.

It's her speed that saves them again and his mother is quick to shield them both with her koukaku as bullets fly at them unrelentingly. In the dark of their cover, he looks up at her face and sees disbelief, rage and grief couple fiercely in her black and red eyes.

"Hide," she mutters, "Listen to mommy. When I tell you to run, you run. Don't look back. Don't stay behind. Just run as far as you can and hide, okay?"

"Mom?" he whispers, voice trembling, "Where will I go? What about you? What about dad?"

"Go to your grandfather. He lives a little far from here, but I'm sure you'll be safe there. He'll keep you safe."

Tears start to blur Hide's vision, "But I can't! I don't want to leave you two behind!"

In the midst of their talk, backup comes. His mother shakes and screams in surprise when something much harder than bullets suddenly strike their shield. Hide cries out with her in fear.

She quickly wipes away the look of pain that flashes on her face, "We'll be fine. We're strong Hide. Mama and Papa can take this," she comforts. Her expression suddenly grows hard, "But if you were hurt, we wouldn't be able to take it, so please run away, for both of our sakes."

She looks down at him, a muted smile on her lips like a sun eclipsed by rainclouds. She leans down to kiss his cheek and wipe away a tear forming in his eye as she mutters a single word that he will soon grow to hate.

" _Run_."

 

* * *

 

His dad finds him in the sewers, his small form pressed against the walls where he collapses after hours of running. He is shaking and sobbing, his head buried in his knees as he tries to drown out the sounds of his cries.

His dad drops to his knees in front of him and takes him into his arms, crushing him to his chest in a rare act of emotion and his quaking shoulders are enough for Hide to _know_.

"I'll keep you safe," his father brokenly mumbles against his head, "I'll protect you forever."

Hide says nothing, but the flow of his tears starts to thin. He clutches the shirt in his hands tighter and nods.

 

* * *

 

Hide never meets that grandfather. Instead, he and his father pack up and move to the heart of Japan, where his father contacts a few of his friends to help them create a new identity.

He is hesitant to go to school, still stricken with the fear that they'll find them. Dreams of men in white who'll come crashing through their door wrapped in fire and smoke, because their acting wasn't good enough.

He is afraid, and so terribly _lonely_.

This is the time when his father takes him to a cheap convenience store and drags him to the beauty supplies area. He points at a shelf lined with boxes of hair dye and dryly asks Hide to pick.

"For our safety," his father says, already picking out a deep black color common in Japan. Hide guesses it's a good pick if they wanted to blend in.

Suddenly, he spots it. ' _Gold_ ' the box says; the model's hair dyed in a beautiful bright color he remembers seeing only years ago.

 

> _"...In the flower world, sunflowers are the happiest flowers. No matter where they grow, they will always find the sun. And in turn, they bring its warmth and radiance as a gift to others."_

His dad is mildly surprised when he picks it. Hide sees his brows furrow and knows he is debating the pros and cons of choosing such an eye-catching shade, so Hide speaks up.

"It's easier to miss what is in front of your eyes, than what is obviously trying to hide." he says. It's not very eloquent since he's almost forgotten the quote, but his father clearly understands.

He ruffles Hide's hair and takes the box, "Well said, son."

 

* * *

 

Those are the quotes Hide lives by for the next nine years of his life.

He smiles for the public, fills the hole in his heart with their laughter and his father's love even if his mother has permanently taken a part of it with her. He acts until his smile is no longer a mask, and the warmth that he persists in giving to others begins to reflect and shine back on himself.

More than ever, people see him as the _sun_ , a constant ray of light that brightened the day and energized the people around him.

His father begins to smile more in his presence. Without mom, they are all they have left, so they cherish each other more than ever. He finds a new job that doesn't ask too many questions, and comes home every night tired but satisfied.

He's slowly rising in the ranks, he tells Hide every night when they have dinner together. Soon, they won't have to worry about money anymore.

School is great, he tells him back. His teachers and classmates adore him, even if he gets a little rowdy and mischievous at times.

Nobody suspects, they say quietly to themselves and to each other.

And most of all, food still isn't a scarcity.

For a couple of ghouls, Hide thinks he and his father are pretty damn lucky. Back in their old place, they lived near a forest where many people came to commit suicide. It was rather secluded, so not many people knew about it, and it made feeding so much easier.

Here, they found that and more. Something he and his family had lacked before.

Allies.

 

* * *

 

When he is 19 years old, Kaneki goes on his first date.

Rize was perfect. She was gorgeous and intelligent and she matched him so perfectly that Kaneki was convinced it was fate they had met.

He should've known better than to think his life would be anything but a tragedy.

When Kaneki comes to, there's a tray of food sitting next to him. It's still fairly warm and his stomach is grumbling for nourishment after days of spitting out his meals.

He mutters a small prayer that this one will finally stay down as he takes a bite.

It tastes like gasoline and rotten cheese.

Kaneki spits it out, too shy to ask for another dish but too repulsed to finish the one in front of him. Kaneki grabs his growling stomach and shudders because something isn't right. He knows the joke about hospital food and how eating it probably just made you sicker, but none of the food he's been given have even come close to tasting how they should. They weren't even bland or dry, they just tasted _wrong_. 

 

> _'One other way to spot a ghoul is their reaction to human food. A ghoul's sense of taste is wired differently from a human's, and they will find our food tastes absolutely disgusting.'_

'No,' Kaneki shakes his head, 'That's not possible. It's probably just a side-effect of the operation, right?'

The door opens and his nurse walks in, her smile a stark contrast against his mood.

"Good morning, Kaneki-san! How are you feeling? Did you get a good night's sleep?" she asks immediately, coming over to check his vitals and see if he'd taken his medicine. She frowns when she sees the untouched rice and near-whole fish still sitting on his tray, "Not eating again? And I worked so hard to make that too," she pouts.

"I'm sorry," Kaneki says, bowing his head, "I'm very grateful for all your help Nakano-san, but I suppose I still don't have any appetite."

"Are you sure? You've barely eaten these past 3 days. You're still a growing boy, Ken-kun! There's no way you aren't hungry."

"Ah, well," he stutters.

Nakano sighs, "Look, if it's something about my food, just say so. I won't get mad, promise!"

"I," he gulped. How do you even tell someone their food didn't even taste like it should be food?!

Nakano huffed and picked up the chopsticks by his tray, quickly snatching a piece of the fish to pop into her mouth. Kaneki gaped, his hand still raised in mid-air to try and stop her but it quickly dropped when she made a sound of delight.

"Mmm~! This tastes pretty good, if I do say so myself. So what's your excuse now, Ken-kun?" She winked and giggled but Kaneki only kept staring because 'How??' There wasn't the slightest hint of disgust on her face at all!

"Yo Chiaki! You're needed in Room 305!" another nurse pokes her head in the room, wildly gesturing at Nakano.

Nakano sighs, "Sorry, I have to take that. Just stay here and rest up, ok?" She smiles and picks up the tray, turning to walk out of the room but not before calling back "And eat something, for goodness' sake!" at Kaneki.

Though still frazzled by the events, he manages a weak grin, nodding his head and waving back, "I'll try."

 

* * *

 

 

He tries really hard.

 

A rice cake.  
_Glue and paper._

 

A burger.  
_Stale bread and soil._

 

Chocolate..

 

" **CRAP!** " He slams a hand against his mouth and runs to the bathroom, proceeding to expel the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Kaneki grips the edge of the toilet and wheezes, cold sweat dripping down his face as reality slowly starts to set in.

 

* * *

 

Kaneki knows he's fucked up.

He shouldn't have left his apartment while his stomach was still growling. He shouldn't have blatantly tempted himself by weaving between the crowds, drowning in their scents and furiously salivating. If he hadn't pushed himself to starvation so soon, he wouldn't have followed that enticing scent, wouldn't have seen the shit he was never meant to see.

He presses himself closer to the wall when his attacker growls.

The ghoul in front of him is terrifying, like a creature who never once saw the light of day. It is hauntingly pale, accenting the dark red streaks of blood that colors its mouth, hands, and torso. And its eyes.

Its eyes burn that same shade of black and red that traitorously matches his right.

"Fucking anomaly," it snarls, "What kind of ghoul only has one eye? You're even more of a freak than I am!" It cackles loudly, throwing its head back.

Kaneki sucks in a breath at the ugly sound and huddles even further to himself.

"Coward," it sings, "You're such a coward. Did you run here thinking you'd get a free meal? Well tough luck! I worked hard to hunt this human down!"

"N-no," Kaneki stutters out. Tears are starting to run down his face as he panics, "No! I didn't mean it! I'm sorry! I'll leave you alone! I promise! Just let me go!"

His pleads only seem to amuse the ghoul and it cackles even louder, "Pathetic! You don't deserve to live you little rat. Scum like you is only good for one thing!"

'What?' Kaneki trembles. The ghoul is grinning and baring its teeth and for a split second, Kaneki thinks he knows what it means to do.

"I heard cannibalism made ghouls stronger. Never had a chance to try it out before but you'll do juuuuust fiiine~" The ghoul sings and Kaneki shudders and closes his eyes, resigned to the thought that he would not escape death for a second time.

Suddenly, a new voice speaks up.

"Well I can't really vouch for that either but I never really thought it was worth a try, don't you agree?"

"What the-?!"

What seemed like the sound of a million crystal bullets filled the air the moment the newcomer had finished speaking. Kaneki gasps but doesn't dare open his eyes when the sound of metal against metal follows it shortly. He could hear his attacker snarl and scream curses but the newcomer was silent save for a few amused giggling here and there.

Finally, the newcomer spoke.

"I'm tired of this. Go to sleep already, yeah?"

Kaneki hears his attacker grunt then feels the ground shake after a thud. He hesitantly opens his eyes.

His attacker laid unconscious on the ground, bloodied but obviously still alive. Meanwhile, he draws his gaze up the newcomer standing beside it and sucks in a breath when he sees it is also a _ghoul_.

The ghoul is...well, it's definitely different from the one that attacked Kaneki. He already knows how they could easily pass as a human, but the one in front of him is peculiar in the way he is dressed. The ghoul wears such bright and loud colors that it doesn't seem right to find it crawling around in this dark alley, especially with the small white shopping bag it picks up off the ground.

But even so, it is still a ghoul so Kaneki shakily crawls back the moment it advances towards him.

The ghoul stops when he does so and tilts it head at him, blinking slowly as if trying to process what it should do with Kaneki. He crawls back again, shivering as the full weight of its stare lands on him- all black sclera and sharp red irises. He wants to run but no matter how much he wills his legs to move, they are locked in place with fright.

He shivers when the ghoul slowly begins to walk to him again, and surprisingly, it stops. It looks confused (and hurt?) when he does, but then understanding begins to fill its eyes.

In a flash, the ghoul turns its kakugan off. It looks back at Kaneki with warm, brown eyes and smiles at him so brightly that Kaneki is startled when his heart abruptly skips a beat.

"Hello, nice to meet you! My name is Nagachika Hideyoshi, but you can call me Hide. What's yours?"


	2. Chapter 2

Most days find Nagachika Daiki working himself to the bone from dawn until dusk. He tires over papers, speaks in clipped and hurried words like he is constantly working with a deadline and time is not a necessity he can spare. His co-workers grow used to it, this lonely way he chooses to exist as he works and works and works the day, with only the barest pretense of civility and teamwork keeping them chained together.

 

He knows the consequences of living such a life, of keeping such distance. He hears the words that are whispered behind his back and pretends he doesn't hear, even if their voices seem to grow louder, more demanding.  

 

Selfish, they call him. Selfish for wanting to protect the only one he has left in this world.

 

He tells himself he's not alone, that he's not wrong. In between the hours that blur by the day, he finds a way to spare a second, but it is never a break, but a necessity.

 

He calls his son up in perfectly timed intervals to assure his own mind that he is only doing what's best.

 

_'You need to learn to give him some space Nagachika-san. You should know how teenagers are. He'll grow to resent you sooner or later.'_

Except he doesn't. All he knows of teenagers are strangers he meets on his way to his school, when his job had allowed him to leave early in exchange for an aching back. All he knows of their ways are the same whispers he hears within his own office, but in words that are simpler. Meaner.

_'Damn, it's that old man again.'_

_'Doesn't his kid ever get embarrassed over him? I'd die if I had to be picked up like this at my age.'_

_'What a clingy guy. You'd think he'd know better.'_

_'Aah, he looks so cold too! Are you sure they're even related?'_

Privately, he likes to think that they no longer affect him. He keeps his stance rigid against the school walls, even as the crowd parts between him and tries to keep away. He likes to think the same thing as they do, that he is cold and untouchable by the petty fears and insecurities of raising a caged bird that might soon grow to resent him.

 

~~He isn't.~~

 

"-llo? Hello? Yo, dad, you still there?"

 

"Hm?" Daiki blinks, regains himself, and cradles the phone closer to his ear, "Yeah, I am. Sorry. I was distracted."

 

"It's fine," Hide replies. Daiki hears the smile even if he can't see it, and he feels his fears being chased away, "You hungry? Is that why you keep spacing off on me? Please don't tell me you forgot to bring those again! You get like five times grumpier than normal when you're hungry."

 

"I do not," Daiki retorts. His face is flushed but his eyes are twinkling in mirth, "And that was one time. Take it easy on your dad, why don't you? You damn brat."

 

"I'll start going easy on you once you do the same for me, old man! I got bruises on my bruises because of you!"

 

"It's not your old man's fault that you've been slacking off though, is it?" Daiki drawls. He leans back in his chair and sips his coffee, an easy smile forming on his lips at the sound of Hide whining piteously through the phone. Some of his co-workers catch sight of him and look away, already aware of who he is talking to based solely on the way his forehead is free of its seemingly constant crease, "If you keep on making excuses to skip training and get any weaker, you're never going to get a chance to win Kirishima-san's heart. Not that you had that much of a chance anyway."

 

"Rude! I personally think I'm starting to make some real progress with Touka-chan. She only hit me once for the pick-up line I made yesterday!"

 

"Oh really?" Daiki asks with a grin. He's about to ask for said pick-up line until he glances at the clock and realizes something, "Hide. Why are you still on the phone? Isn't it about time for you to go to class?"

 

Silence. Daiki's ears pick up the soft sound of something tapping against wood before Hide answers him.

 

"Yeah, actually. That's what I wanted to ask you about." he mutters.

 

"What is it?"

 

"See... I noticed we were running low on some supplies and stuff so I went to go get some from the store real quick, and I was totally planning to go straight home so I could get ready for class in time, but then something kind of happened on the way back-"

 

"What happened?!" Daiki snaps. Maybe a little too loudly. He abruptly stands up and glides past the doors, muttering a soft 'excuse me' as his co-workers immediately step out from his way. He heads for the private bathroom his position offers him, locks it, and plops down on the toilet seat with a groan.

 

"- and I couldn't just leave him there so I took him home and now he's in my bed."

 

“What did you do with the hostile one?”

 

“Knocked him out and called for help.”

 

"And then you took a strange and unconscious ghoul back to our house when you wouldn't even take your own friends there," Daiki deadpans.

 

"This is different!" Hide protests, "For one, he’s already a ghoul, we’ve got nothing to hide, and two, he really doesn't seem like a bad person! I would feel like crap if I didn't do anything to help him after probably making him faint like that-"

 

"Why didn't you just take him to Yoshimura-san-"

 

"Because he's not ready."

 

"What do you mean 'he's not ready'?" Daiki asks exasperatedly, "Hide, what if he wakes up and attacks you? You said it yourself, he was starving. There's no telling what he'll do once he wakes up. The food we have there is only going to last us for one more month, and that's practically nothing to a starving ghoul!"

 

"I know. I took... precautions."

 

"Precautions?" Panic and anger starts to seep into his voice and his son immediately picks up on it.

 

"I'll be fine. It's fine. You can trust me," Hide soothes.

 

Daiki is silent for a minute.

 

"I'm coming home," He says lowly, and hangs up before Hide can say anything more.

 

* * *

 

Kaneki is drowning.

 

He is naked, his body swarmed by the thick, red liquid that falls from the sky and seeps into his mouth. It's refreshing, amazing, and absolutely divine, and he is horrified to realize that he is enjoying the taste of blood.

 

He wants to spit it out but his throat works against him and greedily gulps it down where he feels it settle in his belly. It fills up the hollowed cavern of his stomach until his ribs are drowned in the liquid and he can no longer see the unfamiliar organs that leer at him from his abdomen, flashing and throbbing like a beating heart against his bones until he hears nothing but its rhythm.

 

_'please. i don't want this.'_

Even as a ghoul, his tears taste hot and salty on his tongue.

 

_**'don't be rude, kaneki-kun.'** _

__

Slender hands start to rise up beside his head. Kaneki watches with wide, bloodshot eyes as they move to his face, caressing his cheeks, slipping their fingers through his lips to pluck at his tongue and brush against his teeth.

 

_**'i'm so hungry. aren't you?'** _

__

They stay there obediently, fingers warms and pliant on his tongue. Salty. Sweet. Tempting.

 

_**'eat.'** _

__

He bites down.

 

* * *

 

" _HOLY SHIT!_ "

 

Kaneki shoots up at the sound with a gasp, his head pounding from being woken up so violently, and instantly meets panicked, brown eyes.

 

It's the ghoul from the alley.

 

_'What is he doing here? Wait, no. What am I doing here? Where am I?!'_

Kaneki licks his lips and feels something bitter catch on his tongue. He makes a face and swipes it away to find his finger stained with what is undoubtedly blood.

 

_'What? Is this... mine?'_

"Wow. Ok. Haha. That was stupid of me. Remind me never to do that again," The ghoul laughs nervously.

 

Kaneki looks up at him confusedly and finally spots the bleeding hand the ghoul is cradling to its chest.

 

_'No... it's his? I bit him?!'_

"I'm so sorry!" Kaneki chokes out. Guilt fills his eyes at the thought that he could have hurt this man, even if he is a ghoul. It's not as if he deserves it either, not after he clearly rescued and cared for him.

 

"It's fine," The ghoul chirps. He raises his hand to show it off, and Kaneki is amazed to see that it is already healed, "Totally my fault, bro! I shouldn't have stuck my fingers in there knowing how hungry you are but you started spazzing in your sleep and making choking noises so I got scared and thought you were actually choking on something." He laughs and wipes away the blood with a handkerchief he picks up out of nowhere.

 

"I'm pretty sure that's not what you’re supposed to do if someone was actually choking in the first place," Kaneki replies. The ghoul chuckles and sheepishly scratches his cheek. He looks like a kicked puppy, pouting like that, and Kaneki is surprised when he finds it absolutely adorable.

 

"Sorry about that. Guess first-aid really isn't my strong point," He grins.

 

Kaneki smiles back, covers his mouth with a hand.

 

How strange, this feeling. Something curls in his chest and it feels like happiness. The air between them is warm and open, like a meeting of old friends.

 

It's what makes him speak.

 

"I'm sorry. I know you told me your name before, but I passed out right after, so my memory is somewhat hazy. Would you mind repeating it?" Kaneki asks shyly, fingers curling in the blanket.

 

The ghoul laughs freely, "It's fine! But speaking of which, you have to tell me yours too! I'm still calling you 'that cutie' in my mind, you know?" He winks and Kaneki sputters, "My name is Nagachika Hideyoshi, at your service! But most people call me Hide! What's yours?"

 

Still a little flushed, he answers, "K-Kaneki Ken. It's nice to meet you... Hide," The name rolls off his tongue smoothly and he likes the way it makes him smile.

 

"Well then, good morning Kaneki!" Hide greets. Kaneki is surprised he doesn't insist on calling him by his first name after so blatantly offering his own, but he is quietly pleased. Other than his mother, there is only one other person who calls him by his first name, and they are not particularly fond of him, "Actually, it's really night right now, but I thought it sounded better than saying 'good evening' so yeah. You've been out for a few hours."

 

"I'm sorry for troubling you," Kaneki replies.

 

"It's alright. I just want to know, what were you doing there? Don't you know those are hunting grounds for dangerous ghouls? We can't protect you if you wander off from the ones that are being watched over."

 

_Watched?_ "I'm sorry. I wasn't aware of that. I just followed this scent, and then suddenly, I was..." he falters. It sounds so humiliating. What had he been thinking, just giving in to his instincts like that?

 

"Are you still hungry?" Hide asks seriously.

 

Kaneki pauses. Now that he thinks about it, he feels... better. There is still a little part of him that feels unsatisfied, _hungry_ , but it isn't as bad as before. The haze in his mind and the feeling of phantom hands curling around his body has faded, leaving him weak but peaceful.

 

"No," he replies, "I... I feel alright. Thank you."

 

"No problem. Helping others is kind of in the job description," Hide winks and sticks his tongue out, "Bonus points if they're as attractive as you are."

 

"Do you flirt like this with everyone?" Kaneki blurts out, flushed.

 

Hide only winks at him again.

 

"Ok,  but for real, let's talk about you Kaneki," Hide says, scooting off the bed to pull a chair over. He sits down and crosses his legs, aiming a questioning look at him, "'Scuse me for being a little blunt, but you were being kinda stupid back there, you know that? A starving ghoul is a dangerous ghoul, both to others and to themselves. You're lucky the ghoul you ran into already started eating. God knows how much worse he would've reacted if you dropped in while he was still hungry."

 

Oh.

 

... _right_.

 

Kaneki averts his eyes, "I'm not a ghoul," he mutters.

 

Hide raises an eyebrow, "Right. That too. You're a half-ghoul aren't you?"

 

A half-ghoul. Not fully human. Not even ghoul.

 

"Um, Kaneki?"

 

A raspy voice abruptly invades his head.

 

_Fucking anomaly._

"Kaneki?"

 

Tears start to stream down his face and he chokes out a sob, hiding his face in his hands. How could he forget? How could he be careless enough to forget what he's turned into?

 

"I'm not a monster!" Kaneki suddenly shouts. Unbeknownst to him, his kakugan flares.

 

Laughter, mean and feminine fills his head.

 

**_'no, dear. you're a ghoul.'_ **

****

* * *

 

Hide remembers a point in time when he suffered from nightmares every other night.

 

His father would find him, sobbing, terrified, wrapped entirely in his covers, and takes him into his arms like he did that night. He'd cling to him, crying _'I'm not a monster!'_ at invisible soldiers.

 

He cries out at cold eyes in the midst of a blazing fire until the words are burned into his throat.

 

Kaneki, crying and desperate, reminds him of himself.

 

Hide uncrosses his legs.

 

"Kaneki," He bites his lip.

 

Back in the alley, when Kaneki had crawled away from him in fear, Hide had felt the alien sting of rejection grip his heart. It was an unpleasant feeling he despised more than anything. It was the reason why he pushed himself to be as bright and cheerful as he appeared to be, to lessen the chances of anyone rejecting him.

 

But there was rejection in Kaneki's eyes back then, sheer and absolute horror swirling among them just by looking at him. For the first time in years, Hide had felt all of his insecurities begin to swarm him.

 

_'Why are you looking at me like that? Aren't we the same? I'm not a monster. I didn't kill him. Why are you so afraid of me?'_

He was close to panicking until his intuition kicked in and he realized all he had to do was turn off his kakugan.

 

Hide won't admit it, but he was relieved when Kaneki had fainted after his introduction. It made it easier for him to rein in his own emotions and calmly decide what to do with him.

 

He isn't given the same chance now, but he thinks he knows what to do.

 

He hugs him.

 

"Kaneki," he whispers, voice warm, "It's alright. You're alright. You're not a monster, ok? You're not."

 

Kaneki stiffens in his arms and Hide fears he might have messed up. But then he shudders and melts into his arms, and Kaneki cries like a child in his embrace.

 

He shushes him, humming lullabies under his breath until Kaneki's sobs are reduced to sniffles and he falls into an uneasy sleep.

 

"And to think things were going so well," Hide murmurs.

 

* * *

 

Hide is sitting at the couch, texting one of his classmates to lend him notes for the classes he missed earlier when his father comes barrelling through the door.

 

"Where is he?" Daiki snaps.

 

"Good evening to you too, dad," Hide drawls. Daiki's eyes immediately fall to his hand, clean and bandaged, and he marches over to him.

 

"What happened to this?" he demands. His eyes are fierce but his hold is gentle as he studies Hide's hand.

 

"Remember the precautions I was talking about? Well, I may have messed it up a little bit at the end." Hide chirps. He patiently lets his father continue inspecting his hand even as his grip tightens at the admission.

 

"What did you do, Hide?" Daiki says exasperatedly. Hide hums, and Daiki's gaze follows his to the innocuous red pouch lying on the coffee table and the syringes surrounding it.

 

"Damage control!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok, first of all, thank you so much for the overwhelming support you guys gave this story! (σ≧▽≦)σ i am absolutely touched by your reactions and i dearly hope i wont disappoint you. im sorry to keep you waiting too but... i may have gotten a bit distracted with marathoning the entire beelzebub series immediately after posting the first chapter. sorry. (≖︿≖✿)
> 
>  
> 
> ~~im also working on a oneshot for these two. hope you'll look forward to it!~~
> 
>  
> 
> as before, this chapter was posted in the wee hours of the morning. i did my best to check it over, but please feel free to point out any mistakes i might have missed. thank you!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! ~~(and the short, boring chapter)~~. To be honest with you guys, I was pretty scared to update this. I’m so grateful for all the support, but I’m also terrified to let you all down. ;A; Hopefully you’ll all continue to enjoy this. That’s really the only thing I’m always hoping for. :)

 

The winters of Tokyo are as cold as his old home, so Hide and his dad are well-prepared. They head out for the highway at night, dressed inconspicuously in rich, dark layers and a deep red beanie pulled tight over Hide's blond head. His father parks in a nearby lot behind a convenience store and they both head out, scarves pulled up to their noses.

 

The walk to the forest is a lot longer than either of them would have liked, but he knows they can't afford to take the same route they did before. Establishing a pattern for feeding isn't exactly the wisest thing for ghouls to do.

 

Honestly, Hide knows his father doesn't like the thought of bringing him here in the first place. He'd prefer to take the food home himself, but Hide helps remind him that doing that would only be more suspicious. The smell would stick, the bag would stand out, and Hide's father isn't the most forgettable man when he's dressed in black and all alone at dark.

 

Daiki's perpetually scowling face draws wary glances, ones that Hide easily distracts when he holds on to his father's hand and smiles, playing up the innocent little boy he emulates with his pea-green coat and big brown eyes.

 

The corners of his lips still sting when they're out of sight, still unused to being pulled so deliberately. Hide has yet to perfect his mask and it irks him. He needs it to protect them.

 

~~(he needs it to heal them)~~

 

Even imperfect, it works, so his father relents and begins to bring him along to feed in private. They finish their meals at the place where they find them, so nothing is taken home. The tiny knapsack they bring is filled only with two large jugs of water and sugary snacks- nothing too unusual to bring on what they could always claim was a simple walk.

 

They'd always been lucky enough to find a body to share and fill them up for another month- the same kind of luck they'd had at their old home.

 

This kind of fortune is unusual for their kind, especially ones so deeply ingrained in human society, so both are always wary at how long it would last.

 

* * *

 

" _Stay back_."

 

Hide watches as his father growls at the white-haired stranger before them, blood still smeared across their mouths. The corpse they had been feeding on lies between them, an irrefutable proof of their nature. His heart begins to pound, mind working in overdrive to remember the routes away from the forest because even if the air is filled with nothing but the scent of ghoul, both of them know better than to let down their guard.

 

The stranger still hasn't revealed his kagune nor even his kakugan, even at the sight and smell of a fresh meal. Hide notes this and calms himself, dividing the calculations in his head from escape routes to explanations... negotiations.

 

"Stand down," Finally, the man speaks, but it does little to deter his dad, "Don't cause a ruckus."

 

"Dad, maybe you should listen to him," says Hide.

 

"Why should I? What reason do we have to trust you?"

 

"You're new, aren't you?" The man's eyes flicker over them, "You don't know the rules of this ward."

 

“Are you saying this is your territory?”

 

“Not exactly,” the man admits, “Although this area does belong to someone else.”

 

“Then what are you doing here?” Daiki’s question is followed by a charged silence, his body thrumming with tension as the ghoul contemplates them. Hide is content to observe as well, silently deciding that they aren’t in real danger.

 

“To help you. To help your kind,” the man finally replies. His father raises an eyebrow and the man sweeps a hand towards the corpse on the ground, “I’m here to collect for ghouls who are unable or unwilling to hunt for themselves. That is the way we operate here.”

 

“That’s an interesting set-up you have there. I find it hard to believe with our nature,” Daiki replies bitterly.

 

“There is a reason why you chose to live here, right?” the man says, “This ward is known to be one of the most peaceful. Doves rarely visit this ward because of inactivity from the ghoul population.”

 

“Is it because of you?” Hide asks, wiping away the blood from his mouth. The stranger turns his gaze to him and he continues, “This boss of yours… he must be a really kind person. You’re helping him keep this ward safe, aren’t you? And here we are, inviting ourselves to dinner without permission. You must have been worried- wondering what kind of guests we were. Sorry about that!” he laughs.

 

The stranger regards him curiously, almost fondly.

 

“Clever,” he mutters, flashing him a brief smile. Daiki’s stance stutters at the momentary show of expression, then regains himself when the man draws his gaze back to him, “Like I said, stand down. I’m only here to negotiate.”

 

“Negotiate?”

 

“Your son is right. The manager… is kind. I was sent here to see if you would cause trouble for us, but you both appear rational and controlled. Even so, we can’t allow you to continue feeding here unsupervised, so I ask that you meet with him to strike a deal.”

 

“That sounds great!” Hide chirps, leaping up to hug his dad around the waist. Daiki falters and Hide takes the chance to look around him and peer into the stranger’s eyes, “C’mon dad! I trust him! Maybe this means we’ll get to work together in the future!”

 

His dad wraps an arm around him, still hesitant. Hide looks up, tugs on his jacket to make him lean down, and murmurs softly into his ear.

 

The stranger watches them, unnerved at the way Hide’s eyes seem to freeze over when he whispers, and melt back into a disarming warmth when Daiki leans back up.

 

“Alright. Lead the way.”

 

* * *

 

Kaneki wakes from a dreamless sleep, comfortable but alone.

 

There is little sound in the house, save for the constant hum of the air conditioning, and it is simultaneously calming and eerie. The warmth he’d went to bed with has faded from his fingers, and he misses it terribly.

 

“I need to go home,” he decides.

 

He gently pads out of the room after quickly fixing it up, and stops when he sees a man standing in the kitchen. Dark-haired and broad-shouldered, Kaneki feels his heart fall into the pit of his stomach when he realizes it’s not who he’d been hoping to see.

 

“You’re awake.”

 

Judging from the look in the man’s eyes, it is clear Kaneki is not someone he’d wanted to see either.

 

* * *

 

“You really should have stuck to your books.”

 

Kaneki tears his gaze away from his reflection in the coffee.

 

“...Huh?” he squeaks.

 

Daiki snorts, “I recognize you. You’re that kid who’s always got his nose stuck in a book. No matter where you went, you always had one. I was always surprised when you’d put it down just to talk to someone.”

 

“Well, it would be rude otherwise,” Kaneki defends automatically, then pauses, “Wait. Why do you know me?”

 

“Because I work at your school, dumbass,” Daiki bites out, Kaneki flinching back into the couch, “Jesus, stop being so jumpy. I’m not going to eat you, that’s disgusting.”

 

“I-I’m sorry,” Kaneki stutters. Personally, he thinks it would be easier for him to relax if this man didn’t insist on permanently wearing an unpleasant expression in his presence, “Um, where do you work exactly? I don’t think I remember seeing you before.”

 

“Let’s see. You’ve only been a freshman for a a few months, right? And yet I’ve already seen your face enough to point out who you are. I wonder how that could be?” Daiki replies, words dripping in sarcasm.

 

Cowed, Kaneki furrows his brows in a feeble attempt to show he was legitimately thinking over it.

 

“ _Jesus_. Don’t answer that! It’s not important,” Daiki snaps, “What’s important is that as far as I knew, you used to be a normal human kid. And now, you’re not. Also, I’m pretty sure Kamii doesn’t accept idiots, though God knows it seems like you want to prove me wrong, so I’m hoping you know exactly what this little transition of yours means.”

 

Kaneki sinks further into the couch, his cheeks flushed brightly with embarrassment. A tiny part of him wishes Hide was here, missing the playful, gentler way he’d brought up the subject.

 

His thoughts also bring up the way he’d cried himself to sleep in his arms, and he groans.

 

_I can’t run away from this forever._

“I… only know a little,” Kaneki admits softly. He cradles the cup in his hands, looking back at his reflection in the dark liquid, and remembers the awe he’d felt it still tasted _good_ , “Honestly, I know it’s not enough, but I’ve been too scared to face this that I just couldn’t find the time to know how to work with it. It’s so stupid, and I could’ve died… but I didn’t,” he laughs.

 

It’s amazing, what he’s saying. Kaneki doesn’t know where this bravery is coming from, but figures he is just so tired of it all. He’s spent days crying in denial over his condition, then more in trying to gut himself, but now he’s just sick. He’s sick of running.

 

Daiki’s face softens, and he sighs.

 

“It’s not...” he starts off, voice softer than before. Kaneki looks up at him timidly and he rolls his eyes, “Stupid. It’s expected. You were human, and suddenly, you’re not. It’s normal to panic so stop beating yourself up over it.”

 

For an adult, the words sound childish and crass. Kaneki ignores it to appreciate the sentiment.

 

“...Thank you,” he smiles.

 

“Just… shut up and listen, kid.”

 

* * *

 

The sugar cubes are not meant to fulfill, only delay. Despite the relaxed atmosphere they have adopted, Daiki keeps up his guard and observes their guest from behind his cup.

 

So far, Kaneki showed no other signs of severe hunger. For someone who’d just had an entirely new way of life dumped on him, the kid looked oddly calmer than expected.

 

He wonders what exactly his son had done before.

 

“Thank you Nagachika-san. I appreciate all the time you took explaining this to me. I’m very grateful to you and your son.”

 

“Don’t mention it,” Daiki replies offhandedly, “You might be a special case but you’re still a ghoul, so you apply for the same rules. We’re just here to make sure you follow them.”

 

“Right. That’s… nice,” Kaneki murmurs, a hand curling around his chin, “Well, I’ve imposed on you long enough. I’ll be on my way then.”

 

“ _Stay safe_.” Daiki almost says. He stops the words in his throat, bewildered.

 

Kaneki takes his silence as dismissal and bows.

 

* * *

 

There are arms squeezing around his chest, and a strawberry head nuzzling under his neck.

 

“Gotcha! Leaving already?”

 

Kaneki blushes, placing a hand on Hide’s arms to make him let go before letting himself get turned around to face him, “I’m sorry. I wanted to wait for you to come back to thank you, but I didn’t want to impose on your family, any longer.”

 

“Oh, don’t tell me my dad scared you away? Haha, my classmates always say the same thing. I swear that’s just his face!” Hide chuckles. Kaneki is mildly surprised at the revelation, having only been told that the man was a relative, and noting the near lack of similarities between them. The only link he sees immediately are their eyes- both colored in the same shade of golden-brown.

 

“No, he was actually very helpful. I… didn’t know he works at Kamii either,” _‘Nor that you study there.’_ Kaneki adds. He knows it’s close-minded to judge people on their looks, but Hide really didn’t seem like the academic type. It makes him wonder.

 

_‘What other secrets do you have?’_

“Yeah. He works at Student Affairs, so he probably knows you, but you don’t know him. He’s always in this little private room of his.” Hide replies.

 

Oh. So that’s where Kaneki recognized the name.

 

“Anyway, I’m glad I caught you! Here-” Hide rummages in his pockets and hands Kaneki a sticky note with an address scribbled on it, “I work afternoon shifts at this cafe every Wednesday and Friday after classes. I’m there on weekends too. You should come visit me tomorrow! I have someone I want you to meet.”

 

“W-who?”

 

“Just a friend. They’ve been really curious about you and I promised to introduce you two soon!” Hide chirps.

 

“I’m not sure if I can-”

 

“See you there, ok? Bye, Kaneki! Take care!”

 

“W- _Wait_! Hide!”

 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! if you could, please review! it really fuels my drive!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
> 
> p.s. feel free to point out any mistakes as well. i was really sleepy when this was posted. (• ε •)


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